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Long distance caregiving can present many challenges for family members when trying to be there for parents who are aging.  Last week I received a frantic call at 10:30 pm from the daughter of one of my clients that I provide ongoing senior care monitoring for.  She attentively cares for her parents as best she can while living out of the country and depends on the Circle of Care support that we have established here to help her.  She had arrived home from an event to hear a message from the Assisted Living residence that her parents live in locally, that her father had been taken to the hospital two hours earlier.  She was unclear as to what had happened and was reaching out to see if I could be of assistance.

After calls to the retirement community to speak with the care attendant on duty and to the hospital emergency department, the facts were determined.  The stress of not being able to physically be present when a crisis occurs leaves family members feeling quite helpless when managing their eldercare role from a distance.  The reassurance that someone will be present to act as an advocate for a loved parent in an emergency is crucial to relieving this immense stress.

The emergency department can be overwhelming for any of us, but when adding in the vulnerability of advancing age and memory loss, having a comforting supporter and advocate present is imperative.  Together my client and I got through a long night of waiting for tests, physician examinations and the constant hustle and bustle that comes with the myriad of events the medical staff are dealing with.  As I sat next to my client by his stretcher, I also watched over the older senior close by to us who had no one with her, having had a fall in her apartment earlier in the evening.  It pulled at my heart strings to see her alone, and I offered little reassurances to her as she restlessly waited for her test results and to be told what the next step for her would be.

As the hours passed into the dawn of morning, my client finally relaxed into a much needed sleep.  With tests all normal and the diagnosis made, IV fluids were pushed through and by 8:30 am we were ready to get out of Dodge.  Fortified with some necessary care items and one tired gentleman settled nicely into bed, I sat with my other client, his wife, and chatted with her about the unexpected events that  had occurred, giving some needed TLC.

Making the last of several calls to their daughter to keep her up to date with the night’s progress, I headed home to get a little shut eye myself.  It had been a long while since I had stayed up all night and I was out in the wink of an eye when my head hit the pillow, feeling very grateful for the work that I am blessed to do. Being able to be present for someone in need of comfort and receiving the gift that only that type of giving can reward you with, is very satisfying indeed.

Some tips for long distance caregivers are:

• Get organized. Compile notes about your loved one’s medical condition and any legal or financial issues. Include contact numbers, insurance information, account numbers and other important details.
• Schedule a family meeting. Gather family and friends involved in your loved one’s care in person, by phone or by Web chat. Discuss your goals, air feelings and divide up duties. Appoint someone to summarize the decisions made and distribute notes after the meeting. Be sure to include the loved one in need of care in the decision-making process.
• Research your loved one’s illness and treatment. This will help you understand what your loved one is going through, the course of the illness, what you can do to prevent crises and how to assist with disease management. It might also make it easier to talk to your loved one’s doctors.
• Keep in touch with your loved one’s providers. In coordination with your loved one and his or her other caregivers, schedule conference calls with doctors or other health care providers to keep on top of changes in your loved one’s health. Be sure to have your loved one sign a release allowing the doctor to discuss medical issues with you — and keep a backup copy in your files.
• Ask your loved one’s friends for help. Stay in touch with your loved one’s friends and neighbors. If possible, ask them to regularly check in on your loved one. They may be able to help you understand what’s going on with your loved one on a daily basis.
• Seek professional help. If necessary, hire someone to help with meals, personal care and other needs. A geriatric care manager or social worker also may be helpful in organizing your loved one’s care.
• Plan for emergencies. Set aside time and money in case you need to make unexpected visits to help your loved one.